◆DMS ▲ 420.69 (+6.9%)◆LAST SUCCESSFUL OFFSITE: BENIDORM◆ALL STATEMENTS MADE WITHOUT PREJUDICE◆Q3 BEER RESERVES EXCEED FORECAST◆DANIEL WILSON TELLS THE ERIC DRAVEN STORY AGAIN; SEPT 30 OBSERVED AS OFFICIAL ANNIVERSARY (EST. 2022)◆SURVEY DIVISION CONFIRMS BEACH CHAIR TERRITORY UNDISPUTED◆ENGINEERING SHIPS ZERO FEATURES, ON TIME, UNDER BUDGET◆BOARD VOTES UNANIMOUSLY TO RECONVENE IN DENIA◆ANALYSTS DOWNGRADE GROUP CHAT TO "CHAOTIC NEUTRAL"◆GATE STANDARD HOLDS FIRM; ENGINEERING DISPUTES FOURTH-UNIT VALUATION◆Q3 OUTLOOK DESCRIBED INTERNALLY AS "UNBELIEVABLE, JEFF"◆EXECUTIVE TEAM COMPLETES MANDATORY OFFSITE (DENIA)◆CEO ROTATION SCHEDULE CONFIRMED FOR NEXT ROUND◆MARSHGATE CALLS Q3 RESULTS "OUTRAGEOUS," DECLINES TO ELABORATE◆LEGAL DECLINES TO COMMENT, AGAIN◆SERVICE LINE EXPANSION APPROVED PENDING BUDGET (THERE IS NO BUDGET)◆MENTAL SPA DIVISION REPORTS RECORD Q3 RELAXATION◆"STRONG BUY, IF YOU ENJOY BEER" — ANALYST NOTE◆DIVIDEND DECLARED, PAYABLE IN BANTER ONLY◆GATE STANDARD RESERVE HOLDS AT FOUR UNITS, FIFTH IN NEGOTIATION◆NEXT PRESS RELEASE PENDING LEGAL REVIEW (INDEFINITELY)◆HEADCOUNT FROZEN AT FIVE (5) SINCE INCEPTION◆ALL ENQUIRIES ROUTED THROUGH THE GROUP CHAT◆DMS ▲ 420.69 (+6.9%)◆LAST SUCCESSFUL OFFSITE: BENIDORM◆ALL STATEMENTS MADE WITHOUT PREJUDICE◆Q3 BEER RESERVES EXCEED FORECAST◆DANIEL WILSON TELLS THE ERIC DRAVEN STORY AGAIN; SEPT 30 OBSERVED AS OFFICIAL ANNIVERSARY (EST. 2022)◆SURVEY DIVISION CONFIRMS BEACH CHAIR TERRITORY UNDISPUTED◆ENGINEERING SHIPS ZERO FEATURES, ON TIME, UNDER BUDGET◆BOARD VOTES UNANIMOUSLY TO RECONVENE IN DENIA◆ANALYSTS DOWNGRADE GROUP CHAT TO "CHAOTIC NEUTRAL"◆GATE STANDARD HOLDS FIRM; ENGINEERING DISPUTES FOURTH-UNIT VALUATION◆Q3 OUTLOOK DESCRIBED INTERNALLY AS "UNBELIEVABLE, JEFF"◆EXECUTIVE TEAM COMPLETES MANDATORY OFFSITE (DENIA)◆CEO ROTATION SCHEDULE CONFIRMED FOR NEXT ROUND◆MARSHGATE CALLS Q3 RESULTS "OUTRAGEOUS," DECLINES TO ELABORATE◆LEGAL DECLINES TO COMMENT, AGAIN◆SERVICE LINE EXPANSION APPROVED PENDING BUDGET (THERE IS NO BUDGET)◆MENTAL SPA DIVISION REPORTS RECORD Q3 RELAXATION◆"STRONG BUY, IF YOU ENJOY BEER" — ANALYST NOTE◆DIVIDEND DECLARED, PAYABLE IN BANTER ONLY◆GATE STANDARD RESERVE HOLDS AT FOUR UNITS, FIFTH IN NEGOTIATION◆NEXT PRESS RELEASE PENDING LEGAL REVIEW (INDEFINITELY)◆HEADCOUNT FROZEN AT FIVE (5) SINCE INCEPTION◆ALL ENQUIRIES ROUTED THROUGH THE GROUP CHAT
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Join Us

Careers at DMS Limited

We are always not hiring. Headcount has remained fixed at five (5) founding partners since inception, and is expected to remain that way indefinitely.

Open Positions

Current Vacancies

RoleDepartmentLocationStatus
Sixth FriendExecutiveDenia, SpainNot Hiring
Head of Actually Making MoneyFinanceRemoteNot Hiring
Designated DriverOperationsDenia, SpainNot Hiring
Group Chat ModeratorTrust & SafetyRemoteNot Hiring

Culture & Benefits

Why Work at DMS Limited

Not that you can, but here’s what you’d be missing.

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Unlimited PTO

Every member is already unemployed for the weekend, by definition. Usage rate: 100%.

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Annual Offsite

A mandatory, fully-funded (by yourself) retreat to Denia, Spain, every single year.

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Equity Package

Every founding partner holds an equal, non-transferable, entirely symbolic stake in the company.

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Flexible Hours

All hours are flexible on account of no fixed hours, roles, or responsibilities existing.

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Health & Wellness

Comprehensive Mental Spa coverage, subject to Denia availability and flight prices.

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Referral Bonus

Refer a friend and receive absolutely nothing, but the group chat will consider it.

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Company Motto

"Lads. Lads. Lads." Recited unironically at check-in, chanted with increasing conviction thereafter.

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Ground Transportation Policy

Company policy is to substantially overpay every taxi and head inland at the earliest opportunity. Reasons remain under Board review.